i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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