my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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