i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
