i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
