sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
