and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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