the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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