Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
