How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize