Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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