I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
