who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
