the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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