I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
