Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
