She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
