so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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