i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I'm both gender and math confused
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
