Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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