Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize