Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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