Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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