Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
