I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
