I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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