Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
