I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
