Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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