end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
