so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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