I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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