dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
a search helicopter?!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize