Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
