have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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