i love accidental penises.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We need to rekindle our bromance
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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