i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I had to cum in my sink.
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