The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
