I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
