worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dick very happy bro
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
