its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
