im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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