Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
