Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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