9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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