can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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