He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
