Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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