I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
where does the pee come out of this thing
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
