I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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