Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
