I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
