I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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