glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
