You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
