The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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