I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
