You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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