Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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