Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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