I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
