i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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