You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
