If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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