she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
