Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
