I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize