I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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