Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
