also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
