Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I puked a lego.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
it's like heaven, but drunker
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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