my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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