I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
