i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
